Singles come on Love Is Blind for all types of causes—real love, shameless fame, or only a once-in-a-lifetime expertise. However irrespective of their motivation, most individuals normally share at the least one factor in widespread: a need to be seen for who they honestly are, past appearances. Simply take Daniel Hastings, one contestant within the present’s eighth season hoping to satisfy a life associate who received’t take into account his five-foot-eight body a deal-breaker.

“The relationship world as we speak is simply actually shallow, and individuals are very choosy and picky about issues that don’t actually matter,” Hastings says in Love Is Blind season eight. “I’ve been single for 10 years…in that span, peak has been one of many largest components. ”

When you’ll have to observe your self to see how his seek for love goes this time round, loads of previous seasons have confirmed that some {couples} can’t get previous their bodily preferences. And let’s be actual—between relationship app peak filters, memes, and countless debates in regards to the “over six ft solely” commonplace, it’s a subject that received’t go away anytime quickly. Which could depart a few of us at residence questioning: Um, am I shallow if I care about peak?

Why is peak such a giant deal?

In concept, a powerful emotional connection ought to be sufficient to beat one thing as seemingly minor as peak, coiffure, and different beauty particulars. That’s form of the entire premise of Love Is Blind, in spite of everything—contestants are challenged to construct deep bonds in pods with out seeing one another. However who we’re really bodily drawn to is subjective, Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, a licensed therapist based mostly in Los Angeles, tells SELF. And whereas appears to be like aren’t the whole lot, they do play a giant position in that preliminary spark and sustaining long-term chemistry.

A part of why peak, specifically, is such a giant deal for some of us comes right down to ingrained heteronormative requirements: “What we’re taught rising up is that for heterosexual relationships, a person ought to be taller than a girl, and we’re used to seeing that taking part in out on TV,” Goldberg explains. “There’s additionally this concept {that a} taller man is extra masculine, the ‘protector,’” which solely feeds into this widespread cultural expectation that taller = extra fascinating. You’ll be able to think about how that subtly shapes who we’re drawn to within the first place too.

Understandably, then, there’s a positive line between respecting your preferences and veering into unhealthy superficiality. However getting clear on that distinction might be the important thing to realizing whether or not you’re going for precisely what you need—or holding your self again.

When does desire change into an issue?

Let’s say you meet somebody who checks all of your bins—they’re humorous, good, type, and also you genuinely vibe…however they’re shorter than you like. In a wholesome mindset, you’d at the least problem your biases and provides it a shot as an alternative of viewing surface-level particulars as computerized dealbreakers.

On the flip facet, should you’re used to ruling out potential companions as a result of they’re, say, 5 eight as an alternative of 5 eleven, “I wouldn’t essentially label somebody as shallow,” Gayane Aramyan, LMFT, a Los Angeles–based mostly therapist specializing in relationships, tells SELF. “However I might problem them to consider why peak holds a lot weight of their relationship choices.”