In accordance with among the greatest rom-coms on the market, the reply to the age-old “Do opposites entice?” debate is a powerful sure. Unlikely pairings—a bookish introvert falling for the favored, social butterfly; the bubbly optimist drawn to the mysteriously brooding realist—make for among the most swoon-worthy tales. However the true query is, do some of these matches truly final?

There’s one thing undeniably thrilling about being with an individual who’s, properly, nothing such as you. “The novelty is a big a part of the ‘opposites entice’ enchantment,” Chris Gonzalez, PhD, LMFT, professor and founding director of Lipscomb College’s Marriage and Household Remedy masters program in Nashville, tells SELF. “It’s like, ‘There’s one thing in you I don’t see in myself, and that’s what makes this dynamic so unfamiliar but electrical.”

However will that early chemistry translate right into a fortunately ever after? In accordance with Dr. Gonzalez, not essentially: “There’s a distinction between attraction, that preliminary spark, and compatibility, which refers as to whether the connection is constructed to final.” Some opposites can efficiently problem and complement one another in a means that strengthens their bond, he explains, whereas different instances, competing personalities might be inconceivable to beat. Under, we requested specialists what makes some opposites click on—and why others conflict.

So, why do opposites entice?

There’s no one-size-fits-all reply as to why we might gravitate towards our polar opposites. Once more, the unknown generally is a large draw. However there are a couple of the explanation why ending up with somebody fairly completely different may work in your favor, too, in line with Molly Burrets, PhD, a Los Angeles–based mostly psychologist and adjunct professor on the College of Southern California’s Division of Marriage and Household Remedy.

For starters, you most likely don’t wish to be with a carbon copy of your self, Dr. Burrets tells SELF. There’s not a lot room to develop should you’re each all the time on the identical web page and by no means disagreeing or difficult one another. Plus, issues can get boring once you’re too related—with none distinction, it’s simple to really feel stagnant. In some instances, too many commonalities can even breed extra battle, Dr. Gonzalez factors out—like if each of you’re too cussed to apologize throughout fights or so conflict-avoidant that essential points by no means get addressed.

That’s the place having a couple of reverse traits can truly strengthen your bond, each specialists agree. Take into account a detail-oriented companion who thrives on an hour-by-hour itinerary for holidays, for instance, paired with somebody who’s extra spontaneous and versatile. Collectively, they strike a candy steadiness: Plans keep in place however there’s nonetheless room to flow. Equally, should you’re extra logical and rational, relationship a artistic, free-spirited companion can assist you faucet into your emotional facet.

Right here’s why opposites might not final

In accordance with Dr. Burrets, “the concept opposites entice continues to resonate as a result of it’s usually based mostly on the start of a relationship”—a.okay.a. once you’re falling in love—“earlier than arguments begin to floor.” Ultimately, your variations will begin to stand out—and it’s possible you’ll understand how mismatched communication types, say, or contrasting views about spending cash are impacting your bond. And the fixed friction could make it a lot tougher for some {couples} to maintain a long-term partnership.