Remedy is commonly puffed up as the last word repair for any psychological well being concern. So when you’ve ever walked out of a session pondering, Effectively, why didn’t it do something for me???, we get your frustration. Perhaps that emotional breakthrough second (like in Good Will Looking) by no means occurred. And even after opening up, you continue to really feel as when you’ve made zero progress.

After a disappointing expertise, it’s straightforward to second-guess whether or not you’re one way or the other “too damaged” to be “fastened,” or in case your issues are too massive for even for a licensed skilled to deal with. However these assumptions aren’t correct, Esther Boykin, LMFT, founding father of Group Remedy Associates in Washington, DC, tells SELF. The fact is, psychological well being help appears completely different for everybody—and what works for one individual might not be useful for one more.

So when you’re feeling neglected (or let down), we requested the therapists themselves for among the most typical the reason why—and find out how to set your self up for a greater expertise.

1. You haven’t discovered essentially the most useful sort of remedy.

Remedy is commonly painted as this scene the place you lie on a sofa, spill your guts, and magically get all of the solutions from an professional. However, as you’ve most likely discovered by now, it’s not that straightforward…or easy.

In the case of your remedy choices, there are literally tons of various approaches to suit each your psychological well being considerations and your wants as a shopper. In case your appointments have been feeling like unproductive vent classes, you may recognize approaches equivalent to cognitive behavioral remedy (CBT) or dialectical behavioral remedy (DBT), which concentrate on studying actionable expertise and coping mechanisms. Or if chatting alone is not serving to you’re employed by means of your childhood wounds, you may look into eye motion desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), a singular solution to recall traumatic recollections and cut back their depth. And even when speak remedy isn’t your factor, you’ve nonetheless acquired options like artwork remedy or body-centered somatic practices to think about.

It’s additionally true that “sure considerations and diagnoses have what we name a ‘golden normal’ of care,” Annabelle Dortch, PsyD, a licensed psychotherapist based mostly in Los Angeles, tells SELF. For example, publicity remedy tends to be the go-to for obsessive-compulsive dysfunction. For a lot of, although, “a variety of it’ll rely in your private desire,” Dr. Dortch provides—one thing you possibly can completely ask your present or potential therapists about. (In any case, they’re skilled to know in regards to the variations and advocate what’s finest for you.)

2. You didn’t see the “proper” therapist.

On that word, modality isn’t the one factor that influences a constructive match. Based on Boykin, discovering a very good therapist is sort of like courting. Simply because it didn’t work as soon as doesn’t imply relationships typically aren’t for you. Reasonably, “this individual merely isn’t a very good match,” she explains—and that very same logic applies to assembly a supplier who helps you develop, too.

At baseline, you need to really feel protected, not judged, and comfy opening as much as this individual, Dr. Dortch says. After all, the kinds of therapies they’re skilled in significantly affect whether or not you’ll mesh, however little components can play a task, too—character variations (possibly you’re searching for somebody who’s calm and soft-spoken, and this one is a bit too high-energy), communication fashion (maybe your superb practitioner is direct and blunt—no constructive fluff), or simply the general vibe. With out that rapport, each specialists agree it may be powerful to be comfortably you.

3. You’re holding again.

To get essentially the most out of your classes, you’ve acquired to be trustworthy and susceptible, Boykin says—one thing that’s simpler stated than carried out. To offer you an instance: Perhaps you’re ranting about how your accomplice raised their voice at dinner…whereas conveniently leaving out that, technically, you hurled the primary few insults and consistently interrupted them, too.