So strive to not take it personally. As a substitute, shift your perspective and acknowledge that their actions aren’t about you. This technique is, basically, an instance of how cognitive behavioral remedy (CBT) works. This type of psychotherapy relies on the concept “when you possibly can change your ideas, you possibly can change your conduct or emotions,” Dr. Stratyner says. On this case, altering your POV on the scenario can scale back the stress and nervousness you are feeling about your good friend by no means being on time, she explains.
Categorical your wants with care and compassion.
You need your good friend to remember that your blood boils once they depart you hanging, nevertheless it’s essential to speak your frustration delicately. Strive to not scold or reprimand them about what they’re doing mistaken—nobody likes to really feel personally attacked. If you level out somebody’s irritating conduct, you wish to lay out the details, share how the scenario makes you are feeling, and specific what you need as a substitute, Dr. Stratyner says.
This strategy lets your buddy understand how their actions have an effect on you with out inflicting them to really feel threatened (which is able to probably make them tense and defensive). Plus, while you tackle issues rationally, you’re much less more likely to turn out to be emotional and flip out like an asshole (which, let me inform you from firsthand expertise, sucks and doesn’t change something).
So begin with one thing like, “I seen that generally once we meet, you run late.” Then say the way it makes you are feeling: “If you’re late, I really feel harm,” for instance. Don’t be afraid to get susceptible, Dr. Stratyner provides—if their tardiness upsets you as a result of it makes you surprise in the event that they actually care about your friendship, inform them. However once more, give attention to your emotions (with out blaming them), Dr. Stratyner says. Subsequent, share what you want—go along with a line like, “I might actually recognize it if we may discover some form of resolution so we are able to each arrive on time.”
Lastly, allow them to know you’re keen to work with them—perhaps which means selecting a restaurant that’s nearer to their home or suggesting occasions that work higher for them. “This can be a manner of exhibiting that you simply care whereas assertively expressing your individual wants,” Dr. Stratyner says.
Encourage them once they present up on time.
In case your good friend continues to run late after you convey up your issues, attempt to not lose it. Sure, that is likely to be simpler mentioned than executed if you happen to’ve been pushed to your edge, however understand that it’s going to take time on your good friend to change their conduct. As a substitute of persistently chastising them, allow them to know you’re appreciative once they arrive on time, Dr. Stratyner suggests.